i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
