is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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