you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
