The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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