nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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