belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
