My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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