i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
