whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
