here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
