i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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