This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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