Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
