that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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