Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
