Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
