Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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