My friends, they love my intelligence
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
