I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
