I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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