either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
