Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
