Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
