I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
