Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
