Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
