so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
