Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
