it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
