Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
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His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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