My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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