Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
