I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
