his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
