Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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