In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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