God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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