He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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