She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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