I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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