I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
