Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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