I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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