I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
