I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
