shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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