i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
