i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize