Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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