It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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