My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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