god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
