i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
