Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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