I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
