my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
