I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
worst night to have a conscience
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
