Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
