Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
