He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
