sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
