from now on my penis is your penis
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
