You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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