dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
