dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
