i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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