I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
