Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
