You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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