Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
