I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
