My sheets look like a crime scene.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
