Duck Duck Cougar?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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