I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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