i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
