Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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