I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
