Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
