chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
