Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
