maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
