Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
