You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
