I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
