So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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