I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize